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Wit Quotes by Famous Authors

1. “My dear Natalya Petrovna, there’s funny and funny.”

Ivan Turgenev

Humor, Irony, Perspective, Wit, Expression

2. “A pun is not bound by the laws which limit nicer wit. It is a pistol let off at the ear; not a feather to tickle the intellect.”

Charles Lamb

Humor, Wit, Language, Expression, Playfulness

3. “I never knew an enemy to puns who was not an ill-natured man.”

Charles Lamb

Humor, Puns, Language, Nature, Wit

4. “Reader, if you are gifted with nerves like mine, aspire to any character but that of a wit.”

Charles Lamb

Wit, Caution, Self-Reflection, Nerves, Character

5. “Whose wit in the combat, as gentle as bright, Ne’er carried a heart-stain away on its blade.”

Charles Lamb

Wit, Honor, Intelligence, Debate, Morality

6. “There are like to be short graces where the devil plays host.”

Charles Lamb

Irony, Religion, Morality, Wit, Humor

7. “Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?”

Steven Wright

Counting, Language, Numbers, Words, Wit

8. “If you are sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?”

Steven Wright

Logic, Packaging, Paradox, Shipping, Wit

9. “Women. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t shoot ’em.”

Steven Wright

Humor, Relationships, Society, Stereotypes, Wit

10. “I just found out I have an IQ of 208, and I don’t know what that means.”

Steven Wright

Intelligence, Knowledge, Logic, Numbers, Wit

11. “24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?”

Steven Wright

Alcohol, Humor, Life, Numbers, Wit

12. “Hermits have no peer pressure.”

Steven Wright

Independence, Isolation, Social, Solitude, Wit

13. “Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?”

Steven Wright

Language, Logic, Science, Words, Wit

14. “So, do you live around here often?”

Steven Wright

Conversation, Humor, Pickup Lines, Social, Wit

15. “Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?”

Steven Wright

Irony, Language, Logic, Words, Wit

16. “Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn’t going to be on the road an hour.”

Steven Wright

Driving, Excuses, Humor, Speed, Wit

17. “I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.”

Steven Wright

Future, Humor, Perception, Vision, Wit

18. “The speed of time is one second per second.”

Steven Wright

Fact, Logic, Science, Time, Wit

19. “I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.”

Steven Wright

Opinion, Politics, Society, Viewpoint, Wit

20. “If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?”

Steven Wright

Philosophy, Time, Wit, Words, Reflection

21. “How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?”

Steven Wright

Absurdity, Nature, Science, Speculation, Wit

22. “Is it possible to be totally partial?”

Steven Wright

Irony, Language, Logic, Paradox, Wit

23. “If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?”

Steven Wright

Humor, Language, Professions, Wordplay, Wit

24. “I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.”

Steven Wright

Vision, Humor, Logic, Absurdity, Wit

25. “Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.”

Steven Wright

Memory, Observation, Humor, Wit, Perspective

26. “On the other hand, you have different fingers.”

Steven Wright

Perspective, Body, Humor, Wit, Observation

27. “Sometimes I wish my first word was ‘quote,’ so that on my death bed, my last words could be ‘end quote.’”

Steven Wright

Life, Death, Words, Wit, Irony

28. “I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the Zebra did it.”

Steven Wright

Humor, Words, Reading, Mystery, Wit

29. “I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.”

Steven Wright

Humor, Life, Absurdity, Imagination, Wit

30. “I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn’t rise.”

Steven Wright

Humor, Absurdity, Observation, Nature, Wit

31. “You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.”

Steven Wright

Humor, Observation, Life, Perspective, Wit

32. “One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.”

Steven Wright

Humor, Crime, Irony, Money, Wit

33. “Whatever happened to preparations A through G?”

Steven Wright

Humor, Curiosity, Observation, Absurdity, Wit

34. “I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.”

Steven Wright

Humor, Absurdity, Observation, Logic, Wit

35. “If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?”

Steven Wright

Humor, Psychology, Irony, Absurdity, Wit

36. “I got this powdered water – now I don’t know what to add.”

Steven Wright

Humor, Absurdity, Science, Observation, Wit

37. “Snakes have no arms. That’s why they don’t wear vests.”

Steven Wright

Humor, Animals, Observation, Absurdity, Wit

38. “I’m not naked, I’m in the band.”

Steven Wright

Humor, Music, Absurdity, Wit, Perspective

39. “When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?”

Steven Wright

Humor, Observation, Logic, Absurdity, Wit

40. “I was skydiving horizontally.”

Steven Wright

Humor, Adventure, Perspective, Absurdity, Wit

41. “One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read.””

Steven Wright

Humor, Law, Irony, Observation, Wit