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Irony Quotes by Famous Authors

It’s a cruel and insulting trick – belated fortune

1. “It’s a cruel and insulting trick – belated fortune.”

Fate, Irony, Fortune, Timing, Disappointment

Mad people all live a long time – you know

2. “Mad people all live a long time – you know, every grief has its good side.”

Madness, Grief, Irony, Life, Endurance

All human beings hang by a thread an abyss may

3. “All human beings hang by a thread, an abyss may open under their feet at any moment, and yet they have to go and invent all sortsof difficulties for themselves and spoil their lives.”

Humanity, Fragility, Life, Irony, Struggle

A man is capable of understanding everything – how the

4. “A man is capable of understanding everything – how the ether vibrates and what happens on the sun. But to understand how another man can blow his nose differently from the way he blows his own is something beyond his capability.”

Understanding, Irony, Humanity, Science, Complexity

A man’s capable of understanding anything – how the ether

5. “A man’s capable of understanding anything – how the ether vibrates, and what’s going on in the sun – but how any other man can blow his nose differently from him, that he’s incapable of understanding.”

Mind, Ego, Understanding, Complexity, Irony

For a man may understand the precipitation of ether and

6. “For a man may understand the precipitation of ether, and be au fait with what is taking place in the sun, yet, confront him with the fact that another man blows his nose differently from the manner in which he blows his own, and at once that man will become lost in perplexity.”

Perception, Ego, Humanity, Complexity, Irony

She found it sinful and expensive to have sugar in

7. “She found it sinful and expensive to have sugar in her tea, although she herself never spent a penny on anything.”

Frugality, Beliefs, Irony, Behavior, Simplicity

Nothing can be worse and more injurious than good-fortune that

8. “Nothing can be worse and more injurious than good-fortune that comes too late. It cannot give you pleasure in any way, and it deprives you of the right – the precious right – of complaining and cursing Providence. It’s a cruel and insulting trick – belated fortune.”

Fortune, Timing, Bitterness, Disappointment, Irony

In my case there was no first love I began

9. “In my case there was no first love. I began with the second.”

Love, Irony, Romance, Memory, Emotion

My dear Natalya Petrovna there’s funny and funny

10. “My dear Natalya Petrovna, there’s funny and funny.”

Humor, Irony, Perspective, Wit, Expression

Not since the Black Panthers sailed into their Upper East

11. “Not since the Black Panthers sailed into their Upper East Side tea party has there been so daffy an exercise in radical chic.”

Politics, History, Culture, Society, Irony

To think All that power and he wasn’t even rich

12. “To think! All that power and he wasn’t even rich!”

John D. Rockefeller

Power, Wealth, Influence, Irony, Perception

I'm against picketing but I don't know how to show

13. “I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.”

Picketing, Protest, Humor, Show, Irony

I have an idea for sweatshops: air conditioning That’s simple

14. “I have an idea for sweatshops: air conditioning! That’s simple. 14 year old boys working twelve hour days? “Yeah, but they’re comfortable!””

Sweatshops, Labor, Air Conditioning, Work, Irony

I had a stick of CareFree gum but it didn’t

15. “I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn’t work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.”

Gum, Flavor, Humor, Mortality, Irony

I know people who believe in ghosts but don’t believe

16. “I know people who believe in ghosts but don’t believe in themselves.”

Belief, Confidence, Humor, Irony, Psychology

I’m gonna fix that last joke by taking out all

17. “I’m gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.”

Humor, Comedy, Writing, Irony, Creativity

It's weird people say they're not like apes Now how

18. “It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?”

Evolution, Sports, Humor, Irony, Society

I like to play blackjack I'm not addicted to gambling

19. “I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.”

Gambling, Cards, Humor, Addiction, Irony

You should never see an ‘Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order’

20. “You should never see an ‘Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order’ sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.”

Escalator, Humor, Irony, Logic, Observation

If you are flammable and have legs you are not

21. “If you are flammable and have legs, you are not blocking a fire exit.”

Safety, Humor, Irony, Logic, Fire

I saw on HBO they were advertising a boxing match

22. “I saw on HBO they were advertising a boxing match “It’s a fight to the finish”. That’s a good place to end.”

Boxing, Humor, Irony, Logic, Sports

I like it when you reach into a vending machine

23. “I like it when you reach into a vending machine to grab your candy bar, and that flap goes up to block you from reaching up? That’s a good invention. Before that, it was hard times for the vending machine owners. “Yeah, what candy bar are you getting?” “That one, and every one on the bottom row!””

Vending, Humor, Snacks, Invention, Irony

I was at this casino minding my own business and

24. “I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, ‘You’re gonna have to move, you’re blocking a fire exit.’ As though if there was a fire, I wasn’t gonna run. If you’re flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.”

Safety, Humor, Logic, Irony, Absurdity

My girlfriend works at Hooters In the kitchen

25. “My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen.”

Humor, Irony, Expectations, Work, Sarcasm

The Kit Kat candy bar has the name Kit Kat

26. “The Kit Kat candy bar has the name Kit Kat imprinted into the chocolate. That robs you of chocolate! That’s a clever chocolate-saving technique.”

Food, Candy, Humor, Irony, Observation

If I had a dollar for every time I said

27. “If I had a dollar for every time I said that, I’d be making money in a very weird way.”

Money, Humor, Irony, Sarcasm, Exaggeration

I can read minds but I’m illiterate

28. “I can read minds, but I’m illiterate.”

Irony, Humor, Intelligence, Perception, Paradox

Clap an extinguisher upon your irony if you are unhappily

29. “Clap an extinguisher upon your irony if you are unhappily blessed with a vein of it.”

Irony, Humor, Restraint, Expression, Perception

Anything awful makes me laugh I misbehaved once at a

30. “Anything awful makes me laugh. I misbehaved once at a funeral.”

Humor, Irony, Emotion, Behavior, Perspective

Some people have a knack of putting upon you gifts

31. “Some people have a knack of putting upon you gifts of no real value, to engage you to substantial gratitude. We thank them for nothing.”

Gifts, Gratitude, Manipulation, Irony, Expectations

I even think that sentimentally I am disposed to harmony

32. “I even think that, sentimentally, I am disposed to harmony. But organically I am incapable of a tune.”

Music, Harmony, Irony, Sentiment, Talent

If dirt were trumps what hands you would hold

33. “If dirt were trumps, what hands you would hold!”

Luck, Irony, Perspective, Value, Fortune

I am determined that my children shall be brought up

34. “I am determined that my children shall be brought up in their father’s religion, if they can find out what it is.”

Religion, Upbringing, Belief, Family, Irony

My only books Were woman’s looks- And folly’s all they’ve

35. “My only books Were woman’s looks,- And folly’s all they’ve taught me.”

Love, Attraction, Romance, Learning, Irony

Don’t introduce me to that man I want to go

36. “Don’t introduce me to that man! I want to go on hating him, and I can’t hate a man whom I know.”

Hate, Familiarity, Perception, Human Nature, Irony

I toiled after it sir as some men toil after

37. “I toiled after it, sir, as some men toil after virtue.”

Effort, Struggle, Ambition, Perseverance, Irony

Summer as my friend Coleridge waggishly writes has set in

38. “Summer, as my friend Coleridge waggishly writes, has set in with its usual severity.”

Summer, Weather, Irony, Humor, Exaggeration

A presentation copy reader-if haply you are yet innocent of

39. “A presentation copy, reader,-if haply you are yet innocent of such favours-is a copy of a book which does not sell, sent you by the author.”

Books, Humor, Authorship, Irony, Publishing

Lawyers I suppose were children once

40. “Lawyers, I suppose, were children once.”

Law, Childhood, Irony, Profession, Reality

There are like to be short graces where the devil

41. “There are like to be short graces where the devil plays host.”

Irony, Religion, Morality, Wit, Humor

You look wise pray correct that error

42. “You look wise, pray correct that error.”

Wisdom, Perception, Correction, Humor, Irony

If vegetarians eat vegetables what do humanitarians eat

43. “If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat.”

Vegetarian, Humanitarian, Food, Wordplay, Irony

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory You

44. “I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park anywhere near the place.”

Work, Factory, Fire Hydrant, Parking, Irony

So I figured I’d leave the area because I had

45. “So I figured I’d leave the area, because I had no ties there anyway except for this girl I was seeing. We had conflicting attitudes: I really wasn’t into meditating and she wasn’t really into being alive. I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate has an expiration date.”

Relationships, Life, Meditation, Mortality, Irony

When I was ten my pa told me never to

46. “When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven’t spoken since.”

Family, Childhood, Strangers, Irony, Humor

I had amnesia once or twice

47. “I had amnesia once or twice.”

Memory, Amnesia, Forgetfulness, Humor, Irony

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a

48. “I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, ‘What for?’ I said, ‘I’m going to buy some sugar.’”

Bank, Money, Borrowing, Irony, Humor

The sign said “eight items or less” So I changed

49. “The sign said “eight items or less”. So I changed my name to Les.”

Wordplay, Shopping, Names, Irony, Humor

I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note

50. “I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It’s a start...”

Dark Humor, Writing, Paper, Injury, Irony