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Humor Quotes by Famous Authors

Explore the best timeless quotes on Humor, including thoughts on Humor. Discover the best Humor quotes by renowned authors.

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1. “Demaratus, being asked in a troublesome manner by an importunate fellow, Who was the best man in Lacedaemon? answered at last, ‘He, Sir, that is the least like you’.”

Plutarch

Wit, Sarcasm, Wisdom, Humor, Response

2. “Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.”

Scott Adams

Decision-Making, Blame, Guessing, Perspective, Humor

3. “For the record, I am not a nut. I am an optimist. That’s exactly like a nut except with a better attitude.”

Scott Adams

Optimism, Perspective, Humor, Attitude, Mindset

4. “If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it’s done.”

Scott Adams

Humor, Technology, Expertise, Computers, Attitude

5. “To err is human. To cover it up is weasel.”

Scott Adams

Mistakes, Honesty, Truth, Humor, Ethics

6. “Always Postpone Meetings with Time-wasting Morons.”

Scott Adams

Work, Productivity, Humor, Efficiency, Bureaucracy

7. “These days it seems like any idiot with a laptop computer can churn out a business book and make a few bucks. That’s certainly what I’m hoping. It would be a real letdown if the trend changed before this masterpiece goes to print.”

Scott Adams

Writing, Books, Business, Humor, Publishing

8. “In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn’t have to ride around with jerks.”

Scott Adams

Gender, Humor, Society, Independence, Change

9. “Scientists will eventually stop flailing around with solar power and focus their efforts on harnessing the only truly unlimited source of energy on the planet: stupidity. I predict that in the future, scientists will learn how to convert stupidity into clean fuel.”

Scott Adams

Science, Energy, Humor, Innovation, Human Nature

10. “Idiocy in the modern age isn’t an all-encompassing, twenty-four-hour situation for most people. It’s a condition that everybody slips into many times a day. Life is just too complicated to be smart all the time.”

Scott Adams

Humor, Intelligence, Life, Perspective, Awareness

11. “Stress is your body’s way of saying you haven’t worked enough unpaid overtime.”

Scott Adams

Stress, Work, Humor, Overwork, Productivity

12. “It is a wondrous human characteristic to be able to slip into and out of idiocy many times a day without noticing the change or accidentally killing innocent bystanders in the process.”

Scott Adams

Humor, Human Nature, Intelligence, Life, Perception

13. “If you don’t believe your salmon is wild, ask it to fetch your newspaper and see what happens.”

Scott Adams

Humor, Nature, Logic, Sarcasm, Salmon

14. “Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?”

Scott Adams

Humor, Intelligence, Sarcasm, Wit, Conversation

15. “Common sense isn’t a real thing. And its ugly cousin, fairness, is a concept invented so dumb people could participate in arguments.”

Scott Adams

Common Sense, Fairness, Intelligence, Argument, Humor

16. “Never base your budget requests on realistic assumptions, as this could lead to a decrease in your funding.”

Scott Adams

Budget, Finance, Strategy, Work, Humor

17. “He was deader than a shrunken head at a Hackey Sack festival.”

Scott Adams

Humor, Death, Sarcasm, Expression, Comparison

18. “In the future, airplanes will be flown by a dog and a pilot. And the dog’s job will be to make sure that if the pilot tries to touch any of the buttons, the dog bites him.”

Scott Adams

Technology, Future, Automation, Humor, Innovation

19. “Lately, the only thing keeping me from being a serial killer is my distaste for manual labor.”

Scott Adams

Humor, Work, Effort, Psychology, Sarcasm

20. “Boss: I just heard that light travels faster than sound. I’m wondering if I should shout when I speak, just so my lips appear to sync-up with my words.”

Scott Adams

Humor, Light, Sound, Science, Conversation

21. “I asked how many of you guys would have sex with a robot if it was indistinguishable from a hot human woman. About 95% of the hetero guys said they would. The other 5% expressed a strong preference for lying.”

Scott Adams

Technology, Future, Humor, Psychology, Relationships

22. “I love magazines. It’s such McNugget kind of information.”

Scott Adams

Information, Media, Reading, Humor, Society

23. “Always remember that as long as other people are gullible, there’s no limit to what you can achieve.”

Scott Adams

Gullibility, Success, Manipulation, Influence, Humor

24. “If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”

Scott Adams

Questions, Intelligence, Humor, Curiosity, Sarcasm

25. “Management is nature’s way of removing idiots from the productive flow.”

Scott Adams

Management, Productivity, Work, Humor, Leadership

26. “Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.”

Scott Adams

Profit, Business, Finance, Knowledge, Humor

27. “When life gives you lemons... choke on them and die... you stupid lemon eater.”

Scott Adams

Humor, Sarcasm, Life, Perspective, Attitude

28. “If I liked food and disliked exercise as much as a 400 pound guy, I’d be a 400 pound guy.”

Scott Adams

Health, Fitness, Discipline, Habit, Humor

29. “As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke. It’s just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws.”

Scott Adams

Technology, Power, Responsibility, Humor, Network

30. “Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.”

Scott Adams

Engineering, Innovation, Technology, Humor, Mindset

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