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Humor Quotes by Famous Authors
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1.
“If you know cookies are your weakness, don't even bring them in the house because, like me, you will eat them.”
Rachel Hollis
Humor
,
Self Awareness
,
Weakness
,
Cookies
,
Personal Advice
2.
“I’d come from work, change into my pajamas because bras are the devil’s work.”
Rachel Hollis
Humor
,
Comfort
,
Work
,
Pajamas
,
Personal Life
3.
“I can't even count the number of times I've obliterated my diet with a binge session. One second, I'm floating along just fine, four days into a successful low-carb lifestyle. The next? I'm standing alone in a dark kitchen, eating a sleeve of Ritz crackers and cream cheese with a spoon.”
Rachel Hollis
Diet
,
Struggles
,
Humor
,
Real Life
,
Self Awareness
4.
“We have chocolate in common – that’s enough.”
Rachel Hollis
Humor
,
Simplicity
,
Shared Love
,
Sweet Connection
,
Everyday Joy
5.
“Shut. The. Front. Door!”
Rachel Hollis
Expression
,
Humor
,
Exclamation
,
Surprising Moments
,
Everyday Fun
6.
“Giving birth to a baby is like a space shuttle launch. Everything gets destroyed on the way out, which means that sometimes, you guys, I pee my pants.”
Rachel Hollis
Childbirth
,
Motherhood
,
Humor
,
Body Changes
,
Postpartum Reality
7.
“Two weeks in Hawaii with four kids is one of the dumber ideas I've ever had.”
Rachel Hollis
Parenting
,
Humor
,
Family
,
Travel
,
Self-deprecation
8.
“You men deserve whatever rabbit-boiling scenario dating crazy women gets you.”
Rachel Hollis
Humor
,
Relationships
,
Personal Boundaries
,
Gender Dynamics
,
Self-protection
9.
“Around this same time, I decided to cut my own bangs with my dad's mustache scissors.”
Rachel Hollis
Childhood
,
Humor
,
Spontaneity
,
Personal Experience
,
Memory
10.
“Was there ever a better invention in the cookie world than the Oreo?”
Rachel Hollis
Humor
,
Food
,
Personal Preference
,
Enjoyment
,
Lightheartedness
11.
“Inside my head is a tumble of incoherent screams that sound an awful lot like someone speaking in tongues. Apparently my inner voice is Pentecostal.”
Rachel Hollis
Inner Dialogue
,
Humor
,
Self-reflection
,
Emotional Experience
,
Personal Expression
12.
“My days are straight out of the movie Groundhog Day.”
Mark Cuban
Routine
,
Monotony
,
Life
,
Humor
,
Reflection
13.
“There's no law against stupid - I learned that a long time ago.”
Mark Cuban
Self-awareness
,
Mistakes
,
Life Lessons
,
Intelligence
,
Humor
14.
“I didn’t know I was mad about anything. I guess if the New York Times says I am, I must be.”
Mark Cuban
Self-awareness
,
Media
,
Perception
,
Opinion
,
Humor
15.
“When I die, I want to come back as me.”
Mark Cuban
Identity
,
Legacy
,
Self-perception
,
Humor
,
Desire
16.
“I would like to see anyone, prophet, king or God, convince a thousand cats to do the same thing at the same time.”
Neil Gaiman
Cats
,
Chaos
,
Humor
,
Leadership
,
Absurdity
17.
“Can’t make an omelette without killing a few people.”
Neil Gaiman
Omelette
,
Sacrifice
,
Consequences
,
Humor
,
Pragmatism
18.
“Oh, tweeting prolifically is the most easy thing in the world. Tweeting prolifically is like somebody saying, 'Boy, you're a really good walker around,' you know. It's not really hard.”
Neil Gaiman
Social Media
,
Tweeting
,
Ease
,
Communication
,
Humor
19.
“I really like being able to laugh at my own jokes.”
Neil Gaiman
Humor
,
Self
,
Laughter
,
Creativity
,
Enjoyment
20.
“You must never imagine, that just because something is funny, it is not also dangerous.”
Neil Gaiman
Humor
,
Danger
,
Perception
,
Irony
,
Complexity
21.
“Death and Famine and War and Pollution continued biking towards Tadfield. And Grievous Bodily Harm, Cruelty To Animals, Things Not Working Properly Even After You’ve Given Them A Good Thumping but secretly No Alcohol Lager, and Really Cool People travelled with them.”
Neil Gaiman
Personification
,
Chaos
,
Humor
,
Narrative
,
Storytelling
22.
“Honestly, if you’re given the choice between Armageddon or tea, you don’t say 'what kind of tea?'”
Neil Gaiman
Choices
,
Humor
,
Priorities
,
Absurdity
,
Perspective
23.
“Life is a disease: sexually transmitted, and invariably fatal.”
Neil Gaiman
Life
,
Mortality
,
Humor
,
Perspective
,
Reality
24.
“I don’t know why people would want to have lunch with writers. I’ve eaten with writers. We have appalling table manners, and rarely say anything other than ‘Pass the salt’ or ‘If you’re not going to eat that, can I have it?’”
Neil Gaiman
Writers
,
Humor
,
Dining
,
Social Interactions
,
Idiosyncrasies
25.
“I lost some time once. It’s always in the last place you look for it.”
Neil Gaiman
Time
,
Reflection
,
Realization
,
Humor
,
Awareness
26.
“Hey, that’s life, flick it off if you can’t take a joke.”
Neil Gaiman
Humor
,
Life
,
Resilience
,
Acceptance
,
Perspective
27.
“Great, big, serious novels always get awards. If it's a battle between a great, big, serious novel and a funny novel, the funny novel is doomed.”
Neil Gaiman
Literature
,
Awards
,
Humor
,
Writing
,
Competition
28.
“I have a really high tolerance level for twits. I really do.”
Neil Gaiman
Patience
,
Humor
,
Tolerance
,
Observation
,
Social Commentary
29.
“Rock and roll stars have it much better than writers when they're on a tour.”
Neil Gaiman
Music
,
Comparison
,
Lifestyle
,
Creativity
,
Humor
30.
“I've been blogging since February of 2001. When I started blogging, it was a dinosaur blog. It was me and a handful of tyrannosaurs. We'd be writing blog entries like, 'The tyrannosaurus is getting grumpy.'”
Neil Gaiman
Blogging
,
History
,
Humor
,
Dinosaurs
,
Creativity
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