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Food Quotes by Famous Authors

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1. “I like rice. Rice is great if you’re hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.”

Mitch Hedberg

Rice, Hungry, Food, Humor, Amount

2. “A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.”

Mitch Hedberg

Waffle, Pancake, Food, Humor, Breakfast

3. “I ate one anchovy, and that is why I did not eat two anchovies.”

Mitch Hedberg

Anchovy, Food, Humor, Taste, Decision

4. “Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine.”

Mitch Hedberg

Food, Choices, Experience, Perspective, Humor

5. “Swiss cheese is the only cheese you can draw and people can identify. You can draw American cheese, but someone will think it’s cheddar. It’s the only cheese you can bite and miss. “Hey Mitch – does that sandwich have cheese on it?” “Every now and then!””

Mitch Hedberg

Food, Cheese, Humor, Observation, Perspective

6. “I like refried beans. That’s why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they’re just as good and we’re just wasting time. You don’t have to fry them again after all.”

Mitch Hedberg

Food, Humor, Efficiency, Cooking, Perspective

7. “I don’t want to have my face on the cover of a Wheaties box. I wanna have my face on the cover of a Rice Krispies box. “Snap, Krackle, Mitch and Pop”!”

Mitch Hedberg

Cereal, Humor, Fame, Perspective, Food

8. “I find a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.”

Mitch Hedberg

Animals, Humor, Perception, Food, Relationships

9. “Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat 2000 of something.”

Mitch Hedberg

Food, Humor, Perspective, Exaggeration, Eating

10. “Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.”

Mitch Hedberg

Food, Humor, Exaggeration, Perspective, Eating

11. “A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef.”

Mitch Hedberg

Burrito, Food, Beef, Metaphor, Humor

12. “I had a box of Ritz crackers, and on the back of the box, they had all these suggestions for what to put on top of the Ritz. Try it with cheese. Try it with peanut butter. Come on, man, they’re crackers, that’s why I got them. I like crackers! I didn’t buy them because they’re little edible plates!”

Mitch Hedberg

Crackers, Food, Instructions, Simplicity, Humor

13. “They could take sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn’t even care. I can’t imagine 5 years from now saying, “Remember sesame seeds? What happened? All the buns are blank!””

Mitch Hedberg

Sesame, Seeds, Food, Change, Humor

14. “I had a chicken finger that was so big, it was a chicken hand.”

Mitch Hedberg

Chicken, Finger, Food, Size, Humor

15. “I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass of milk. I said, “Dude, you are a cow. The metamorphosis is complete. Don’t fall asleep or I will tip you over!””

Mitch Hedberg

Restaurant, Cow, Humor, Food, Absurdity

16. “I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.”

Mitch Hedberg

Animal, Crackers, Humor, Food, Perception

17. “I like baked potatoes. I don’t have a microwave oven, and it takes forever to bake a potato in a conventional oven. Sometimes I’ll just throw one in there, even if I don’t want one, because by the time it’s done, who knows?”

Mitch Hedberg

Potatoes, Cooking, Humor, Patience, Food

18. “Swiss Cheese is a rip-off It’s the only cheese I can bite into and miss.”

Mitch Hedberg

Cheese, Food, Humor, Swiss, Eating

19. “I can’t eat spaghetti. There’s too many of them.”

Mitch Hedberg

Spaghetti, Food, Humor, Eating, Funny

20. “I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.”

Mitch Hedberg

Games, Humor, Soccer, Food, Observation

21. “If you’re a fish and you want to be a fish-stick, you have to have very good posture.”

Mitch Hedberg

Food, Fish, Humor, Transformation, Absurdity

22. “I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that it achieves its maximum flavor potential.”

Mitch Hedberg

Food, Snacks, Humor, Observation, Vending

23. “Onions make me sad, a lot of people don’t realize that. When I’m cutting onions, I’m sad. Because the plight of onions, it’s sad. But people don’t realize I’m actually crying – they think I’m just reacting.”

Mitch Hedberg

Food, Onions, Humor, Emotion, Cooking

24. “The Kit Kat candy bar has the name Kit Kat imprinted into the chocolate. That robs you of chocolate! That’s a clever chocolate-saving technique.”

Mitch Hedberg

Food, Candy, Humor, Irony, Observation

25. “I like cottage cheese. That’s why I want to try other dwelling cheeses, too. How about studio apartment cheese? Tent cheese? Mobile home cheese? Do not eat mobile home cheese in a tornado.”

Mitch Hedberg

Food, Humor, Creativity, Absurdity, Wordplay